


somebody poisoned the water, i’m about to drink it anyway

by jxneun



Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure tri.
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, Implied Character Death, M/M, One-Sided Love, but is it really now that i made this one-shot into a two-shot at 4am, digihusbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23343289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxneun/pseuds/jxneun
Summary: Rating: PG-13, mild profanities, two angsty confused teenagers, Hanahaki Disease, tw: mentions of character death/almost death, illness, one-sided (but is it really)Pairing: Yamato/Taichi but instead of a dash of sadness, it’s more of when you accidentally spill half the container because you didn’t realize that the cap wasn’t secure, so now your food is over-seasoned and packed in sodiumTaichi undergoes the surgery, and is in the hospital.sequel to say nothing more, baby.fic inspiration from “harbor” by slchld, whoosh
Relationships: Ishida Yamato | Matt Ishida/Yagami Taichi | Tai Kamiya
Comments: 10
Kudos: 13





	somebody poisoned the water, i’m about to drink it anyway

**Somebody poisoned the water, I'm about to drink it anyway.**

* * *

Peering out the hospital window, Taichi stared blankly to the cherry blossom trees. He felt devoid of any emotion, whatever he felt before, he could not recall. He was in excruciating pain moments earlier, and he could barely remember what he was thinking prior to each episode.

It was frustrating, painful, but most of all, frightening. 

These thoughts, or lack thereof, haunted him. He felt a piece of him was missing, and the pieces of information he had did not necessarily fit into the puzzle, no matter how much he tried to “shove” it in. It just did not make sense. He felt incomplete. Recoiling, he shifted from his position on the hospital bed. 

He never felt so empty before.He couldn’t even trust his own memory. In hindsight, people have always said, ignorance is bliss. To him, it was more frustrating and inconvenient. He didn’t feel like “himself”. He barely knew the people who came to visit him, aside from the fact that the young brunette who did, was his little sister Hikari. Before he passed out, all he remembers was that his head was pounding, and that Hikari said she would come again with mom and dad the next day, when dad did not have work. Afterwards, once he regained consciousness, then his doctor paid him a visit. Then, as his doctor droned on, he lost consciousness once more. 

Muttering to himself, Taichi realized how parched his throat was. The guttural noise that escaped his mouth was not graceful by any means, but he had just gotten up after days...or was it a few weeks? His sense of time was out of wack. It was disorienting, and he felt strange. Regardless, at the moment, his main goal was to quench his thirst, so he wouldn’t pass out again, except this time, from dehydration. It was as if he had been walking for days on end in the desert, just as he did just a few years ago.

Wait... when did he go to the desert? Geographically, Japan did not really have any desert regions, and he didn’t really go on any family vacations, given how busy his dad was with work and whatnot. Going to a desert wasn’t really the ideal vacation, either. What better way to spend Golden Week than look at miles of sand? Practically anything.

Thinking hard to himself, he couldn’t pinpoint it. There was no rational explanation to him ever visiting a desert at some point in his life. Scanning his surroundings, he couldn’t find any nearby access to water. Great.

He pulled off the linen sheets and tugged at the IV tubes connected to his arm and the hospital wristband on his right wrist. Repositioning himself, he laid in a more comfortable position and took in what he saw before him. Looking down to his feet, the muted blue hospital gown barely reached his ankles, and the yellow socks the nurse put on his feet were surprisingly a size too large. Even though he had not been properly eating, he didn’t necessarily have an appetite. The headache he had was still there, lingering. Despite the mild stinging pain at the back of his head, Taichi couldn’t help but wonder. Why exactly was he in the hospital, and why could he barely even remember anything? 

Reflecting, he realized that prior to his episode, his doctor had visited him, and went through the logistics as to what he should expect, as well as several symptoms he might feel post-surgery. Piecing the information together, the key terms he remembered was that he had been diagnosed with Hanahaki disease, which was some unrequited love-induced illness where flowers sprouted out of his air sacs and had started choking him. It was akin to what he remembered from his biology class about tuberculosis, except in a grossly romantic sense, with flowers magically sprouting in his throat. Go figure.

Turning his head, he then realized that there was a remote control that he could use, in case he needed anything from the nurse. Next to the remote, he noticed a small stack of papers. Nice.

The papers detailed as to what he should expect during recovery, such as any hiccups to be aware of, especially in case he relapsed. Supposedly, Hanahaki disease is fairly common, but there is little research done on it, aside from a few primary research studies. Due to the unpredictable and sporadic nature of the illness, it’s difficult to accurately perform studies, without risking the lives of those afflicted. Apparently, he himself had went from completely healthy, to practically being on his deathbed within mere days. There was no precautionary tale, nor any newsflash that he could have had. Aside from that, the doctor said to avoid any possible triggers, and to immediately report to him, or his primary care physician if he had any existing symptoms. Something that was alarming to him was that the doctor’s note also listed the following:

**Severe memory loss, similar to cases where patients of TBI suffer from concussions. Follow-up with PCP within 2 days minimum recommended. May result in relapses, if patient is not careful. Close monitoring by family and loved ones is necessary. Recommended diet: plenty of fluids, 8 glasses of water per day, diet rich in antioxidants, fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, etc...**

Severe memory loss. That explains a lot.

He laid back down, setting the paper to the side. Staring at the popcorn ceiling of the hospital, he realized how much he dreaded seeing the clinical, sterile environment. The dreary feeling he had at the pit of his stomach remained constant, and the murmurs he heard in the hospital background added onto this feeling he had. He felt so alone, and he couldn’t even trust his own memories, to boot. 

Suddenly, he heard a few knocks on the hospital door.

Feeling self-conscious, he took the sheets and brought them to his chest, to cover himself. Once he felt secure, he then said,

_“Come in!”_

The head nurse entered the confines of his room and reintroduced himself as Souji, and he then checked Taichi’s vitals. Afterwards, he explained that Taichi could be discharged after the doctor follows up with him once more, since earlier, Taichi passed out mid-conversation. 

All of a sudden, a loud growl filled the room.

His face felt like it was on fire, and the kind nurse chuckled; he asked if Taichi wanted any food or water, since he was asleep for quite awhile. Nodding his head a little too eagerly, Taichi said yes to both offers. Souji then excused himself, and said that he would inform Dr. Tatsumi that Taichi had awoken from his slumber. 

After Souji had returned with his meal tray, Taichi thanked him and started eating. The meal before him was rather plain, he assumed that it was to avoid upsetting his stomach further, since he had reported that he was not feeling well to the nurse. It was a plain porridge, with scallions garnished on the top and soy sauce on the side. The warmth of the soup filled his insides, and made the hospital feel less bleak. To stretch out his limbs and hopefully some fresh air, Taichi then took his tray and left the hospital room.

* * *

**I bathed in blood before**

**Something tells me it was the right thing to do**

**I put my life in your hands**

**I'm trying to contain this love**

**I'm filled with anger**

**To the thought that I can't do much right now**

**I am lost in thought baby**

* * *

Yamato had arrived to the hospital premises of Tokyo U. Viewing the establishment with disdain, he recoiled at the thoughts that he was not very long ago, was at this same place when Taichi was first admitted to the intensive care unit. Taichi was in the ICU for several weeks, and throughout that time, he had paid several visits to a therapist and had been receiving treatment for what he had been experiencing. Since it was early on, and Yamato had been proactive about receiving treatment, there was a high chance he could mitigate the effects of the disease and the feelings he would feel would dissipate over time. 

At the same time, the sight of the marigolds filling the hospital bathroom sink that night couldn’t escape his mind. It occurred right after Taichi’s parents agreed to the surgery, and he knew the implications of it. 

Hanahaki disease. 

If Yamato were being honest, he was not the most religious person. If anything, given the amount of near-death experiences he’s had in the Digital World, alongside the childhood trauma from his parent’s separation and being unable to be there for Takeru early on, it was clear that God (or gods, if he didn’t know any better) had something against Yamato and he had probably done something horrible in his past life. Like some cosmic irony, the deities added on the fact that he realized that he was in love with his best friend, Taichi, right as the brunette was going under the knife for the same disease, except his situation was so dire that the doctors basically said that if they didn’t start making preparations for the procedure at that moment, Taichi could have died.

He couldn’t bear that additional weight on his friends, especially seeing how distraught the rest of them were, once Hikari had confessed to the others that Taichi had been in the ICU for several days. With the rest in tears, he simply couldn’t remain passive. He needed to get help.

He thought about telling Takeru, but he saw how his little brother had muffled his cries once they had left the Yagami family and once he didn’t have to maintain his composure in front of Hikari, who took this the hardest out if all of them. After all, she was the one who found Taichi, and she was fiercely overprotective of her older brother, despite how most thought that it was the contrary.

The first person he told was Jyou, surprisingly. Given how Yamato’s approached problems before, he tended to let things bottle up before he blew up and exploded on the poor person who prodded a little too much when he was brooding. Jyou was reliable, and he tended to give the most impartial advice, despite his mother-hen tendencies. He was the first to tell Yamato to get help, and that he wanted him to be happy, even if it meant that he would have to put off his newfound romantic feelings for his health. Counseling could help him figure out what to do for the mean time, and that way, he would not cope to self-destructive methods or just try to swallow his pride and shove those feelings into the back of his mind, never to be seen again. 

Sighing, Yamato made his way into the hospital lobby. After talking to the receptionist, they then referred him to the fourth floor of the hospital, to the room 424, where Taichi currently resided. Giving his thanks, Yamato made his way to the elevator and was lost in thought as the elevator gradually ascended from the first to the fourth floor of the building. 

With a ring, as the elevator doors opened up, Yamato immediately took sight of the boy before him. It was Taichi. In a hospital gown that barely reached his ankles, and with the familiar uncontrolled mop on his head, he appeared to be coming back from the hospital cafeteria area. He appeared thinner than normal; Taichi was lean, but he was strong and full of energy, being the captain of the football team. Kicking the ball out on the field from morning to late afternoon gave him a healthy glow, and muscle that helped fill out his clothes. His eyes were vibrant, and he embodied the sun.

Overly obnoxious from his initial impression of Taichi as a kid, his perception of Taichi went from blazing and overwhelmingly hot from an arm’s length, to being the comforting warmth that the sun provided. Undoubtedly, Yamato couldn’t help but feel drawn to the boy, especially after the experiences he had shared with the boy; he basked in his warmth, and felt safe around him. He felt like himself, and after their Digimons had fused together to create Omegamon, he felt even more connected to Taichi. He felt complete.

* * *

**To save what is ours**

**To break what is holding you back**

**I wouldn't dare to ask right now but**

**Wait for me I will be back in no time**

**To claim you as my own**

* * *

Distracted by his thoughts, he hadn’t realized that the boy had gone up to him.

“ _Um...Can I help you?”_

With a blush extending from his cheeks all the way down to his ears and neck, Yamato stammered out a response, albeit incoherent and full of gibberish.

Taichi had looked at him funny, and then tilted his head in confusion. His lips were pursed and his doe eyes stared at him questioningly. His cheeks were a slight pink, and his hair was greasy and unkempt and his bangs, longer than normally, fell on his face. Taichi looked like shit. Regardless, Yamato lost track of his thoughts as he stared straight at the boy, processing his thoughts and internal ‘oh-my-fucking-god-he’s-alive-and-breathing-and-in-front-of-me’ cheers. 

Fuck. He was in it deep. He definitely needed to talk about this later at his appointment on Friday. Silently cursing to himself, Yamato then shook his head and recollected himself.

“ _Okay... I’m going to go now_ ,” said Taichi, as the blonde boy he had caught staring at him failed to come up with a coherent response. He had just finished returning his meal tray, despite the nurses’ insistence that he should have stayed in bed, and he was making his way to the rooftop for some fresh air before he noticed the boy’s piercing sapphire eyes gazing in his direction. Rather than gazing, it was more straight up staring, which made him feel a little squeamish and self-conscious from the unfamiliar pair of eyes on him. As he slowly walked away, thinking to himself on how strange that encounter was, he was pulled out of his stupor with the sudden grab to his arm. 

“ _What the fuck_?” said Taichi, as he turned around and realized it was the same blonde boy who was intently staring at him. With growing unease, Taichi said, “ _Dude, let go of me. That hurts_ ,” hoping to get the blonde to loosen his firm grip on Taichi’s wrist.

Yamato then sputtered out, “ _Wait! You don’t remember who I am?_ ” and he looked at Taichi with a look of complete bewilderment. 

“ _Clearly, and since you’re grabbing me out of nowhere, I’d suggest you to let go of me, since people seem to be staring_ ,” retorted Taichi, before Yamato began relaxing his grip. 

“ _Taichi_...” said Yamato, gawking, albeit still in disbelief.

“ _Who are you? How do you know my name_?”, exclaimed Taichi in response, a little freaked out by the encounter.

Before Yamato could properly answer, the mild headache that Taichi had intensified exponentially, growing from mild throbbing to a migraine that made him lose sight before him. Once more, he felt the contents of his stomach threatening to raise and the fluorescent lights and little to no smell of the hospital became overwhelming. He felt awful, and in an instant, he was losing his consciousness once again. 

“ _TAICHI_!!” yelled Yamato, who then caught Taichi in his arms, and he cradled the boy’s frame, almost like if he hadn’t reacted in the split second, the brunette would have shattered like glass upon impact. The nearby nurses then helped Yamato bring Taichi to his room, for him to rest and for them to properly assess his condition. They asked Yamato for his relationship to Taichi, inquiring about his whereabouts and what had happened before Taichi collapsed. He then explained how Taichi didn’t seem to remember him, and to his surprise, the nurses explained that based on Taichi’s file, he had been having fainting spells, and the nurses reported that Taichi had gaps in his memory, and had trouble recalling crucial information. 

The glimpse he had taken of the sun, before it started to burn, was all too bright, and painful to stare directly at. From a distance, under the shade of a tree, the sun appeared radiant and nonthreatening, but felt so out of reach.

Taichi, now on the hospital bed, appeared so fragile and if Yamato were completely honest with himself, he let his touches linger a little longer than necessary, and being able to feel Taichi made him feel whole again. Even if it was temporary, being in the presence of the sun fulfilled him, and the pressure he bore on his shoulders was lifted, even if it was slight.

The sun whose warmth and form to be so intangible, was in his grasp and embrace and Yamato was embarrassed, that he had gotten so enraptured from such a small interaction.

He was in love, but it would be selfish to take advantage of Taichi’s state, and project his feelings on him. After all, he didn’t know who Taichi was even so deeply enamored by that he was sent to the hospital for weeks. Some kind of best friend Yamato was, that his best friend couldn’t even confide in him. Yamato bitterly chuckled, and looked out to the window where the cherry blossoms had scattered in the wind, littering the hospital exterior with soft, pink petals that decorated the hospital rather nicely, despite its sterile, cold interior. 

He was in love, and the weeks of progress he made to avoid this cruel fate was rendered to nothing, irrevocable, and smashed to bits. He wanted to tell him, to gain closure, and to be able to move on.

How could he be so selfish, when the boy right in front of him, minutes ago, barely, if not at all, even recognized him?

* * *

**What can I say**

**What do you want me to be**

**Believe in the world that you see**

**Trust not nobody, everyone lying**

**You said you want to be**

**Somebody close to me**

**Somebody special to me**

**I want you to be home**

**You told me your tainted**

**Let me see your hands**

**I feel your warmth from far away**

**I can't be your man**

**If you don't believe in me**

**Baby trust me just this once**

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I love these two to bits and to be honest, my sleep schedule is horrible at the moment (it’s always been pretty bad though). Also, I had to include Yamato being a little brash and teen angsty, especially with how he always STARES at Taichi, whether it be through prolonged stares, or intense glares that are fueled by him “expecting too much” from Taichi. You can see I’m convinced that boy is enamored in canon, and toei is just waving this romantic and sexual tension in front of us to continue making money and really maximizing how much they can get from the Adventure crew lol. Also, #2020staywoke I’m not going to be writing any fics following the seme/uke trope because that’s not how actual relationships work and we’re going to try to divert from how non heterosexual relationships tend to be fetishized. I love these two (despite the oversimplification of their characters in a lot of fics that reduce Taichi to gross misogynistic jock and Yamato to overly sensitive princess musician) because of their relationship throughout the series and how they are so interconnected and their intensity. The way and how they communicate without words, they still can understand one another but simultaneously misunderstand one another so much (at least from Yamato’s POV, more so in my opinion). 
> 
> Side note: I love Jyou and I adore the relationship thst Jyou has with both Taichi and Yamato. He is the sweetest, and I find myself relating to Jyou a lot. I think he would be able to be the most impartial out of the group, and not get as influenced by mushy feelings, but not get too technical either. I thought his advice would be the most appropriate, considering at the end of the day, his concerns are about the welfare of the group and I love him for that.
> 
> If I’m going to be completely honest though, my motivation for writing this was from the comments I received on the last one kind of made my day and I truly appreciate the support. I hope you all like this tidbit and sorry (not sorry) I tend to like to ride these waves of sadness and make my favorites go through these whirlwinds with me. So, angst-filled fics ensue. As always, let me know your feedback or your thoughts, because your comments definitely play a role in motivating me to continue to write (external validation does that to you haha, but also school is coming and I’m #nervous) . Hope you all enjoy this as much as I did writing this. :)


End file.
